Get your hearing checked!
By Jeanne Robertson

This is the health care issue and I’m here with important health care advice. When each of us has our annual physical, make sure to include a hearing test. It’s just a suggestion, but an important one.

My husband Jerry says that I have started to mumble. That’s flat out scary for a professional speaker. You want to know the truth? Just between you and me? He doesn’t hear as well as he used to.

I can’t help but notice it. For example, something broke in the kitchen not long ago and I walked to within five feet of Jerry and said, “I need you, honey.” He stood up and pulled out his billfold. “I’ve got some tens and a couple of twenties.” See what I mean? Therefore, not long ago I suggested in a nice, loving tone, “Jerry, you need to get your hearing checked.” There aren’t many women from my era of life who don’t know what he said. “I can hear as well as any man my age.”

He’s sixty-eight. Big deal.

Not long after that, we went down to Cumming, Georgia for the christening of one of our wonderful grandchildren. Son Beaver (that’s his name), daughter-in-law Dayna and the children went ahead of us to the church. Jerry and I went together in our car because we had to get back early and start the lunch. We had not been to their church before that day. We entered the sanctuary together and sat together. We talked to the same people. When the time came we went down front together and promised to do whatever we’re supposed to do. In other words, Jerry and I had the same experience in church that morning. When it was over, we hurried to our car and left quickly to beat the crowd back to the house.

Back in Beaver and Dayna’s kitchen we were putting out lunch when Jerry said, “Boy, weren’t you surprised at the number of men in their church who play golf?”

It was as though I had entered the Twilight Zone. What in the world was he talking about? There was no way he could know how many men in that church played golf. I didn’t see somebody hand him a church bulletin and whisper, “Seventy-three percent of the men in the congregation play golf.”

“What are you talking about, Jerry? You’ve got no way of knowing how many . . . ”

“Ah ha,” he interrupted. “You nodded off. The minister asked all the men who are golfers to stand and we did.”

It’s at times like these that I can’t speak again until I can figure how what in the dickens he’s talking about. It took a few minutes but finally, it hit me.

“Honey, it’s Fathers Day. The minister didn’t say ‘Will all the golfers stand.’ He said, ‘Will all the fathers stand.’ And I wanted to ask you about that anyway. You stood up, sat back down and then stood up again. What was that all about?”

Jerry started laughing. “I thought he said ‘golfers’ so I stood up. And then I started thinking, ‘I’m not really that good of a golfer. Here I am in the church - in front of God - implying that I’m a good golfer.’ So I sat back down. Then I looked over and saw Beaver was standing and thought, ‘I’m a better golfer than he is and I stood back up.”

I repeat: Get your hearing checked.

Reprinted with permission from Alamance Magazine.
Humorist Jeanne Robertson, can be reached through